She Certainly Has The Symmetry and Low Body Fat That Western Culture Deems Desirable

On a recent trip to Africa I was surprised to find myself frequently in play. I don't meet Western standards of desirability, so I'm unused to receiving any positive attention on my physical being.  As an asexual person, I'm OK with that. So I found my response to the unexpected attention surprising.  I felt flattered, and often responded in a coquettish manner, a trait never normally associated with my personality.  (On the rare occasions I've tried to flirt, it looks a lot like when Ross Geller on Friends tried to flirt with the pizza delivery girl by telling her that gas is odorless and the smell is added so you will know if there is a gas leak.)

Since coming home, I've reflected on why an asexual person would feel so pleased to receive attention as a sexually desirable being.  I think part of the reason is because it played into what had become a running joke prior to my departure.  Several travel guides and the travel clinic nurse practitioner all urged condoms as items that must be included on a list of things to bring on a trip to Africa.  When I told the nurse that for me they wouldn't be necessary, she responded by telling me that 30% of single people report having an unexpected sexual liaison while on vacation.  While I appreciated her promotion of safe sex practices, she seemed ignorant of sexual orientations that don't require condoms or the belief that a person has the will or choice to say no to sexual advances.

Another reason is that validation is a fairly basic human need. From that perspective it makes sense to be pleased with any positive attention, even from an unexpected and unsolicited source.

But as I watched the recent X-Men:  First Class movie, another reason struck me.  One of the movie's themes is the need to fit in, to be viewed as "normal."  And the struggle it is for those who don't fit in, who aren't viewed by general society as normal.  I feel that.  Sometimes it is nice, easy, safe, comfortable to fit in.  Unconsciously and sometimes consciously we all do things to fit in, to act the part that is socially accepted.  So I think I was relishing the fitting in, the being part of the group, the being viewed as normal.  Not that I'm unhappy with who am I or wish to change it.   But 'normal' is easier.  Acceptance is more comfortable.

In other respects my otherness was never more evident than in Africa.  I was asked hundreds of times about my husband and children.  When I said I had neither, I was immediately viewed with pity.  If I went further to inform that I was single and childless by choice, I was viewed as selfish.  It was evident that my life was found lacking because I was not a wife and mother.  So it seems that with my otherness making me stand out in Africa even more than it does in America, and the negative attention I was receiving as a result, I embraced the opposite phenomenon.  Movie critic Peter Keough called X-Men:  First Class "a metaphor for the outsider in all of us." And while I have more in common with the X-Men characters who learned to embrace their otherness and the unique gifts it gives them, for five weeks in Africa I appreciated how much easier it is to fit in.

We have never been closer to achieving Dr. King's dream, when we can all be judged on the content of our character, not on the color of our skin (or our gender, or our age, or our ethnicity, or our nationality, or appearance, or our religion or our sexuality.)  But we are also still so very,very far away.  So I took pleasure in being judged, and not being found lacking.  A pretty superficial thing to take pleasure in.  But also a very human one.  So in that regard I'm normal.

I'll Take The Lot And Treat Them Just The Same

I've had conflicting emotions as we've begun the countdown to the last Harry Potter movie, Deathly Hallows 2.  The seven books and eight movies have been an important part of my life for going on ten years.  The release of the last of the movies marks the end of something extraordinarily special.  And I don't want it to end.  But I'm also extraordinarily excited to see the new movie.  The trailers alone have made me forget to breath.  The email from Fandango telling me that tickets were going on sale for the July 15, 2011 release was therefore met with both a sense of giddy anticipation and deep sorrow.

One of the many great things about the Harry Potter verse is the community that has built up around it.  Seeing the films on opening night is an interactive experience.  Fans dress as their favorite characters, or adorn themselves in the colors of their favorite of the four Hogwarts houses.  There are trivia contests and costume contests and long hours standing in line pass quickly in friendly camaraderie with fellow fans. 

Hogwarts refers to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the main setting for the Harry Potter books and movies. Hogwarts was founded by four best friends; Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff.  Gryffindor valued bravery and courage.  "You might be in Gryffindor where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve and chivalry set Gryffindors apart."  Ravenclaw valued intelligence and learning.  "Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw if you've a ready mind, where those of wit and learning will always find their kind."  Slytherin valued cunning and ambition and those from pure blood wizard families.   "Or perhaps in Slytherin you'll make your real friends, those cunning folks use any means to achieve their ends."  Each of these three founders selected students who met their ideals.  But Helga Hufflepuff valued tolerance, loyalty, fairness and hard work.  "You might belong in Hufflepuff where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil."  And Helga declined to be exclusive, saying of her house, "I'll take the lot and treat them just the same."

In the books and movies and within the Harry Potter fandom, Hufflepuff house is sometimes given short shrift.  Lacking the competitiveness, courage, intellect, and cunning that distinguish the other houses, Hufflepuff often fails to distinguish itself in athletics or academics and therefore never earns enough house points to win the coveted year-end house cup. 

If I were ever fortunate enough to receive my invitation to Hogwarts, I'd be in Hufflepuff for sure.  I lack the courage for Gryffindor, the cunning for Slytherin, or the intelligence for Ravenclaw.  So I'd be sorted into Hufflepuff house by default, the house that will "take the lot."  But I'd be proud to be a Hufflepuff.  The traits valued by Helga Hufflepuff, the traits distinguishing Hufflepuff house, are traits I value and aspire to.  In his tribute to the deceased student Cedric Diggory, headmaster Albus Dumbledore said:  "Cedric was a person who exemplified many of the qualities that distinguish Hufflepuff house," Dumbledore continued.  "He was a good and loyal friend, a hard worker, he valued fair play." 

I don't know why these qualities are not held in as high esteem as those traits valued in the other houses, but they are by me.  So when I line up on the night of July 14, 2011 waiting for the 12:01 a.m. premiere on July 15, 2011, among a sea of scarlet and gold (Gryffindor) with a smattering of blue and bronze (Ravenclaw) and green and silver (Slytherin), I'll be proudly wearing my Hufflepuff house colors of  black and yellow.  For here's to loyalty, hard work, tolerance and fairness.  They may not be as sexy as intelligence and wit, bravery and courage, cunning and ambition; but I value them just the same. 

Won't You Be, Won't You Be, Please Won't You Be My Neighbor!

As I started to to scoot out of my driveway this morning, I stopped to allow two unknown persons to first cross on the sidewalk.  They stood out because of their dress.  I can only make assumptions about their nationality, ethnicity and/or national origin, but they appeared to be immigrants from a South American country and they appeared to be indiginous persons from that region.  I base my assumptions only on their appearance, knowing nothing else about them.  They seemed amused by me on my scooter and began giggling and speaking softly to each other, they smiled and waved at me.  I smiled and waved back. 

My state continues to debate tough anti-immigration legislation, despite the fact that seven out of ten hispanic immigrants living in my state are here lawfully.  And of course many hispanics living in my state are not immigrants at all, some of them tracing their family histories here for far longer than those who would profile and judge them,  My job precludes me from making my views know publically.  So I'll resort to my blog to express my appreciation for living in a culturally diverse city and neighborhood.  And to say howdy neighbors!